Stacey: "Be imaginative.............but don't be gross!"

Dan (upon seeing Mitch in the hallway wearing a bathrobe): "'Sup dawg. D' you just get laid?"

David F: "Camera moves are the enemy of the editor."

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Dan: "I was confronted with adulthood when I took the step up to furniture ownership. Like when the salesman asked: "Do you want stain guard on this?" I had to say, "Hey, with my friends; better triple it."

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Mike M: "Now, what if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?"

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Rich G (upon hearing that Scott went to Harvard): "Oh. So, the second half of your life wasn't all just luck."

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Tim T: "It's springtime and all the people are out and about, and wearing their little clothes."

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Dan: "I don't kiss my bitches."

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Scott's dad: "You're crazy to bring your golf clubs to Saudi Arabia…. you should rent 'em." 

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CPM: "Life is a shit sandwich and today is just another bite."

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Shara: "Compared to average.. you're excellent."

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John: "Eve, how're your bagpipes."

Eve: "Well…. Matthew says my bag needs seasoning." 

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NOT one of our clients: "I have an idea. Let's get some stock footage and we'll find the actors in the footage to do the rest of the video."

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Mitch: "Eve, that pie went up my nose."

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Anna:"Uncle Scott… tell us a story about the 60's."

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Don A.: "You got some goddam bars up there?"

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Dan (was scuba diving and saw a guy jerking off under water): "I thought he was wrestling an eel."

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Gary F.: "I think every forest should have a fog machine."

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Lady administering the flu shots: "So… what is Post Effects? A Christmas supply store?"

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Justin (upon hearing that Arabic is a difficult language because you write from right to left): "Does that mean that you speak from right to left?"

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Starr (upon hearing about a competitor to Screen Magazine): "Hell, Ruth Ratney knows where all the bodies are buried. Nobody's gonna fuck with her." 

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Curt's friend: "Ah, blondes are a dime a dozen."

Curt: "Ok, then I'll take two dozen and give me a nickel back from my quarter."

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Laura: "I need some comfort."

Evie: "I need some Southern Comfort."

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David B (looking at the pictures from Schmoozarama): "Well, if these are a representation of the industry I work in, I would say that minorities are underrepresented and Steve Dahl is overrepresented."

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Uncle Mike: "You know people, computer viruses are like sex; you get them from someone you know."

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Robin: "I'd play the pachinko machine, but I haven't got the balls."

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After a sweeping zoom-in on the virtual set:

Uncle Bill: "Look at my big set."

Uncle Mike: "Set of what?"

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Karly: "Half my cheerleading team chewed tobacco.":

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 Marcus: "If I were a black man, I'd be L.L. Cool J."

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Kurt's response to idiotic Ameritech customer service person: "Don't they have telethons for people like you?"

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Client: "Just digitize the scenes I need. I don't have time to edit."

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Maggie: "Do you know the phone number of the Meisler Veterinary Hospital? My snake's doctor moved there."

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Laura Shram: "You know that dummy you guys have sitting in the hallway… one day I asked it where the bathroom is."

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Scheduling: "If it ain't smokin'………….it ain't broken."

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Curt M: "Most people treat their bodies like temples, I treat mine like an amusement park."

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MW: "John, how was the dentist?"

JA: "Oh, it was fabulous, Dr. Cornhole, yeah, no pain at all."

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Mia: "Do you like my elf hat?"

Robin: "Yes, I've never seen a pregnant elf before. Makes you wonder about Santa."

Mia: "Mm Hm, guess what my stocking was stuffed with."

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Maggie: "I'd like to meet someone who's tongue had batteries." 

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Terersa: "That looks like ass."

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Spelling error on recent graphic animation: "Atopic Dermatits".

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Chuck: "I spun around the other day and kicked off one of the Avid drives. Client says: "What's goin' on?" I said: "Well, I got 144 gigs between my legs and I don't know what to do with it."

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Stump Connolly: "Why is it always harder to predict the future than to second guess the past?"

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Karly: "There's nothing like suckin' up, right after fuckin' up."

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Question asked at a Q&A session after a Chicago Film Festival film: "I would like to make a foreign film... how do you get those words at the bottom of the screen?"

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Eve (admiring Laura Coleman's beautiful pin): "Can I touch your boob?"

Bill: "You know, that line never works for me."

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Jim: "It's Halloween… I think I'm going to dress up in my outfit with the butt-less chaps."

Dan: "Maybe I'll dress up as a horse and let you ride me."

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Bob S: "Ah yes, drop frame ... the devil's time code."

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Mitch: "Dude! That cake went up my nose."

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Robin: "What you need are some yak treats."

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Brenda: "Have you seen a cell phone laying around? I think I threw it away."

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Karly (answers phone): "Hello, this is Karly."
Evie: "Bill?"

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LH: "It's hard to be a control freak when you're on prozac."

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Brendan: "I've had an epiphany. I've realized that Harpo is Oprah spelled backwards."

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Bob S: "Sure, I can make that edit, if you want to be wrong."

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Barbara Allen: "I asked my daughter if she would rather be Samantha from Bewitched or Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie. She said 'Samantha! Jeannie lives in a bottle and has a master'."

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Maggie: "On my way in, they asked me if I was talent for the Keebler shoot and I said, "what ... do I look like an elf?"

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Joe W.: "Trust me or fire me… just don’t question me ."

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Bill: "I need my donut, I need my coffee and I need to tinkle since the weather's getting cold."

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The Dub
By
April Shapiro

The patch bay was clear,
The cables hung up with care,
I routed two times,
But no video was there.

I changed decks and I cursed.
I patched direct and I cried.
I pleaded with the ghost,
But no matter what I tried,

There was no picture, no video.
A huge problem, no doubt,
Without video on their dub,
Clients would freak out.

I paced the core for hours,
And it was almost near dawn,
When I finally figured out,
The fucking monitor wasn't on.

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"Sometimes, artist means more than somebody who knows Photoshop." -- Scott