AM: (Abdullah Mamoor) "So you are married?"
JP: "Yes"
AM: "How many children do you have?"
JP: "None."
AM: "Oh you just got married?"
JP: "No, we've been married about five years?"
AM: (concerned expression on his face) "Is something wrong?"
JP: "No no, we just don't have any children."
AM: "Oh I understand. (a moment's thought and then his face brightens) You should become a Muslim and then I can get you a nice Sudanese wife."
JP: "But I do not want to leave my wife!"
AM: "Of course not! Who said you had to leave your first wife, that's why you become a Muslim."

DA (watching the news): "How many people did they say die every year from being struck by lightening? Shoot, I missed it."
JK: "They said about 100 every year."
DA: "Dang! That's a lot!"
TE: "No. It's not enough."

Greg: "I'm responding to this chick on the internet. Should I say I'm six inches tall? Laying down, I'm six inches tall. Is that funny?"

Mike the intern on his college experience: "I was paying attention the day I was there."

MW: "So Greg, what DO you want the men's bathroom to smell like."
Greg: "Not poop! Whadaya got? Anything not poop-like."

Mitch: "I would never sling poop at you."

Evie: "The saving grace is the nuts."