LB: "My Aunt Kate used to keep her underwear in the glove compartment."

KS: "So, if my grandma dies, what's the timeline for a funeral?"
Funeral Director: "I'll have her embalmed in 2 hours and she'll be good 'til Christmas."

KG: "I have to get my hair cut. It grows like a chia pet."

AS: "Who cares if it's bad weather there in Chicago... Barack Obama is president!"

TP: "Did you hear about the woman who was jogging and got attacked by a rabid fox? She kept jogging a mile to her car with it latched onto her arm! Man, I couldn't run a mile without a fox attached to my arm."